Supporting without taking over: finding the right balance

When supporting an aging parent or loved one, we mean well. Of course. We want them to be safe, have what they need, and stay healthy. But sometimes, despite our best intentions, we end up doing things that can have the opposite effect. We know that aging means losing a bit of independence. But that doesn’t mean taking away someone’s dignity or their ability to choose. And finding that balance is not always easy. So, what are the most common mistakes to avoid if we want to maintain a good relationship? Let’s take a closer look.

Infantilizing: the most common trap

Studies in gerontology are clear. Treating an older adult like a child, oversimplifying everything, deciding for them, or using a patronizing tone, directly impacts their self-esteem. And low self-esteem can accelerate cognitive decline by reducing motivation to stay active and involved in their own choices. A brain that no longer gets to make decisions starts to shut down more quickly. Respecting the person’s ability to think and decide, while adapting how we communicate, is key to maintaining their intellectual autonomy.

But honestly... who hasn’t heard someone say let’s put on your little sweater, okay? or here, let me set you up so you don’t move too much. Said with love, sure. But for the person on the receiving end... ouch. It can feel belittling. And no one enjoys that.

Taking total control: a recipe for stress

Another common mistake is trying to control everything to avoid problems. But when a caregiver takes over all decisions, it creates stress for both sides. The older person may feel infantilized and start pushing back, sometimes refusing care or withdrawing. The caregiver, meanwhile, becomes exhausted trying to manage it all, which leads to tension. The key? Share decisions, create an open dialogue about life choices, and accept that the person should still have control over the things that concern them.

Because really... who would want to live in a world where someone else decides when you go to bed, what you eat, when you go out? No wonder some people end up saying no or resisting just on principle. It’s human nature.

Lack of communication: an expensive mistake

When we fail to talk about the real needs and wishes of the person involved, we risk making decisions that don’t fit. The result? Equipment that doesn’t get used, changes to the home that feel forced, and sometimes family tensions. Taking the time to really listen to what they want helps avoid many of these pitfalls. It also shows respect and reinforces their sense of dignity.

And let’s be honest... how many times have we seen someone show up with a brand new walker when all the person really wanted was a nice cane? Or install grab bars everywhere when what they first asked for was to replace that slippery old rug? It happens all the time.

SmartSAFE PLUS: a tool that supports independence

With SmartSAFE PLUS, you are offering a discreet and respectful device that strengthens independence instead of taking it away. No need to rely on someone else to call for help. In case of a fall or a health event, the alert is triggered automatically, and the person can speak directly with the monitoring center. It’s a great way to provide peace of mind for everyone, without making the person feel less capable.