Why Do Some Seniors Want to Control Everything?

“He still wants to decide everything.” “She won’t let anyone get involved.” Who hasn’t heard (or thought) this about a senior? And yet… behind this determination to keep a hand on decisions, there’s more than just a personality trait. There’s something deeper, and even something beautiful: the need to remain alive, useful, and in control. So before rolling your eyes or sighing at the “patriarch” or “matriarch,” maybe it’s worth seeing this stance differently.

They Want to Stay Captain. And That’s Normal.

In active aging theories, we often talk about the sense of competence: that feeling of still having a role to play, being able to decide, influencing one’s environment. This feeling is directly linked to self-esteem and cognitive health. In short: the more a person feels “at the helm,” the more they remain alert, engaged, and lucid. When a senior insists on choosing their own residence (or refusing to go), when they want to manage their finances, to organize things their way, it’s not pointless stubbornness. It’s a way to maintain dignity. And honestly? That deserves respect.

But let’s admit it. It can be frustrating. When grandpa insists on managing the accounts even though he already confuses dates. Or when grandma refuses any help “because she’s always done it herself.” Yes, sometimes it feels like they still want to run the world. And yet, deep down, they’re just trying not to become extras in their own story.

Passing Things On Isn’t Always Verbal

Many seniors try to pass on their values and principles not through grand speeches, but by continuing to act according to what they believe is right. The authority they’re sometimes criticized for is actually a tool for transmission. They show us — in real time — what they’ve learned: discipline, endurance, loyalty, resourcefulness. Telling a grandson how to prune a fruit tree or how to watch over a bank account isn’t trivial. It’s not just a desire for control. It’s a way of saying: “I’m still teaching you.”

But let’s be honest: it’s not always gentle. When a senior wants to manage everything — from Christmas dinner to cleaning the garage, controlling the TV remote, and even your schedule — things can get heated. And if you refuse? It’s a crisis. Welcome to the law of the most experienced.

When the Will to Act… Clashes with the Fear of Losing

This is often where tensions arise. On one side, a senior who wants to keep control. On the other, loved ones who want to protect, anticipate, and prevent. But this need for protection, as legitimate as it is, can quickly be perceived as being sidelined. It’s a fragile balance between respecting autonomy and ensuring safety. Intervene too much, and you deprive. Intervene too little, and you risk. So what’s the solution? Talk. Name the fears. And above all, involve the senior in every decision, even the ones we think are “small.”

And honestly, this is often where conflicts deflate. When we stop trying to do everything for them, and give them back their role.

SmartSAFE™: Supporting Without Infantilizing

And this is exactly where solutions like SmartSAFE™ make a difference. It’s not an intrusive gadget. It’s a tool that lets the senior keep leading… but in complete safety. The SOS button, fall detection, geolocation — everything is designed so they can act, call, decide — without depending on someone else. They keep control, but know that in case of a problem, they’re not alone. And for loved ones? It’s a relief… without taking away autonomy.

So no, SmartSAFE™ doesn’t replace their power. It supports it. And honestly, if we can offer that to our Canadian seniors, it’s not a luxury: it’s a sign of respect. A gesture that says, “We trust you… and we’re still here.”